Wednesday, September 12, 2007

War with Elmer

Now I will switch over to my next character role, that of a General dragging some troops into boot camp, in preparation for war against that fig leaf peddling snake, and against Elmer Gantry, the family values preacher. As my chosen troops to send to the front line in this war, I have chosen the Porn Stars, for the simple reason that they don’t have any fig leaf on, and therefore that is half way to where I want them to be, and one less damnable hard job I have to do, since getting people to ditch the sacred and most holy fig leaf is really hard. Therefore, since the Porn Stars are not wearing a fig leaf, they have attracted the attention of the Prophet of YAHWEH, and now they are going to be drafted into the army.

Yes, you Porn Stars might have plans for your life. In six months you will be here. In five years you will be there. But I have news for you. Your getting drafted and your future plans will become all fucked up because you will be found on the front lines, pulling pins out of grenades with your teeth and firing machine guns, as you try to stop Elmer and the Waffen SS from storming the beaches of Eden.

If you think back over thousands of years of history, you will notice a familiar pattern. The lovers of this world have always taken a supreme shit kicking from Elmer, and have been ruinously defeated in warfare again and again as Eden was overrun by the shock troops of the invading Waffen SS, and the end result has been thousands of years of oppression and those fig leafs peddled by religion. From this we can deduce the fact of life which is that the naked lovers, the true people of God on this planet, are useless fucking shits when it comes to fighting in a war, which is why I am dragging you people off to boot camp for military training. Let me tell you people something, and that is that we are NOT losing this war. Not this time. Not with me on the job we won’t.

However, I am a reasonable person, and I am realistic when it comes to sizing up a situation and seeing what is possible, and so therefore this leads me to conclude that Elmer will storm the beaches of Eden and establish a bridge head, and that once this happens we will have to fight from a disadvantageous position to kick Elmer and his fascists off the beaches of Eden by pushing them back out to sea. I predict this less than desirable result because history teaches me just what a collection of fuck ups you naked lovers, the true people of YAHWEH God, really are and therefore I anticipate more fuck ups on your part.

Yes, it is impossible to fight a war without discipline among the troops, and so therefore you naked lovers must be spanked, and who better to spank you than Elmer. Perhaps you have heard that the Mullahs, the Elmers of Islam, have in recent months just passed a law giving the death penalty to all porn stars. This leads me to wonder if Elmer will have you people stoned or burned at the stake, as his sacred laws say must be done, or whether Elmer will be more lenient and just have you locked up in Alcatraz. As for the fags and dykes, they are supposed to be burned at the stake or stoned to death as well, but perhaps Elmer will be merciful and just terrorize them by persecuting some so as to drive the rest back into hiding in closets. You also have to be concerned about Ramon Watkins and his flying fig leaf peddling snakes that he calls down for people to see. Yes Ramon and his less than merry band of supremely fucked up maniacs definitely want every naked Adam and every naked Eve burned at the stake, although they are willing to be more tolerant right now because that is still against the law, and will remain so until they gain power, at which time you can expect lots of Bible law, yes, every single damned one.

You might notice that your Commander in Chief has been set up by those flying snakes who have pasted a bulls eye onto me, so that I can be used for target practice by Elmer and the Ramons of this world. At the moment Elmer and Ramon are not firing at the bulls eye because you see it is much better that I remain oppressed so that not everyone can hear me, because as Elmer and the Ramons of the world know so very well, anyone who listens to me will be someone who won’t be listening to Elmer or Ramon, unless they are unloving and ruined people who cannot go to a lover’s paradise because they are loveless. In that case they will need religion, but all people who are more normal will listen to me, which is a problem. I won’t be shot at, even though I am a sitting duck here, and even though I am a duck with a death wish who wishes ever so much that someone would shoot me. No I can’t even get shot, at the moment, because it is much better not to draw attention to me. This is wise on the part of Elmer, but sooner or later, Elmer will have to load a gun and start shooting, when it just doesn’t matter anymore, in which case you should expect to see the bullets whizzing past my ears.