Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Religious Morality

I am psychologically cued up to adore bare bums. A fridge door does nothing for me, but a bare bum I really get a kick out of. Everyone does. Even religious people like cute bare bums which is why religious people must struggle with temptation.

Now I do not deal well with temptations, in that instead of fighting off the temptations I just go ahead and admit that, yes, I really like cute bare bums and I hope to see more bare bums, and get that same thrill I always get from cute bottoms. I don’t resist temptation and therefore, according to religious moral systems, in order to save myself from frying in the flames of hell I should pry my eye balls out with a salad fork.

If I should choose life without the seeing eye dog, then my only other religious option would be to resist temptation. This I would compare to heavy weight lifting for the soul, with that son of the philosophers, the priest, playing the role of my soul building coach. For it is the divine plan of God that I only like bare bums so that I can resist liking bare bums and it is only by pumping really heavy weights like this that I can ever hope to build up the bulging and muscular soul that will become spiritually fit to become a disembodied ghost living up in heaven.

It might be possible to force a concession out of some priest, and I may be allowed to like bare human bums, but only one and no more bare bums than one simply because it would be more than one bare bum I would be admiring which would be admiring one to many bare bums. For really even one bare bum was one to many and so its one, and only one, and not two or four or even more, for that would be far to many, for even one bare bum was really one to many.