Sunday, September 2, 2007


According to traditional Roman Catholic Canon Law a husband and wife fucking, while thinking about procreating and making a baby, are guilty of what is known as venial sin. What this means is that such a sin, while it is still a sin being associated with human sexuality as it is, is however a sin that can be forgiven provided that the proper form of sacramental penance is made as a kind of payment for that sin, which implies that it is a punishable offense but that you can get a suspended sentence if you fuck in order to procreate the species. Call it a necessary evil.

Fucking for fun, however, is what is defined in Canon Law as a mortal sin, which means that you burn in fucking hell for fucking around like that. Only the most severe forms of penance can ever serve to undo such a mortal sin, which means that for this crime you can never expect a suspended sentence.

Now from this we can draw the conclusion that sex is so fucking dangerous that it makes one wonder why God could not be a little more merciful by doing away with that powerfully dangerous force, the orgasm. There is no telling how many human beings went to fry in the flames of hell just because God invented temptations and then invented laws to strictly enforce a ban upon such invented temptations, laws which were then faithfully preserved throughout history by the church, since as we know God is not in the business of enforcing such laws, or doing much of anything really, and so therefore that job had to be outsourced to some other body, such as the Roman Catholic Church. If not for the church taking these matters into hand there would be no one around to take these matters into hand for as we know if the church falls down on the job it isn’t like suddenly God would show up as an emergency backup, just to make sure things didn’t turn out sour.

If God wasn’t such a fucked up bastard then we can see just how many souls could have been spared unimaginable torment just by doing away with temptations such as the orgasm, and humans could procreate by having bumble bees spread pollen from person to person or by some other far less dangerous method.

We know, from Canon Law, that such acts as the blow job are mortal sins, punishable by eternities of flaming fires. You cannot procreate with your mouth. However, if we ignore Canon Law for a moment we know based upon Natural Law that the blow job is not illegal since our kissing cousins, the other primates, give and get head all the time. Therefore we must assume that Canon Law is only applicable to the human primates, and the rest of the primates must be subject to Natural Law, which is sensible, since it would be impossible to get the Bonobo apes to stop giving each other head by attempting to enforce Canon Law, and so therefore, since apes are not smart enough to have religion, they will have to be left to be governed by Natural Law instead, which means that an ape can get a blow job but a human being cannot.

Yes, the Bonobo get and give head all the time, since the Bonobo have sex not just to procreate but rather to cement the loving bond that exists between each member of their individual tribes. A blow job works rather well for this purpose because it just feels so damned good, and what better way could two apes have to make some other ape feel real fond of them, than for one ape to give the other a blow job. It just makes perfect sense. It does not stop with the blow job, for the Bonobo also like having their clitoris sucked on, which is understandable since the penis is just what you get when in the womb a clitoris is stimulated by hormones and becomes a penis. You see we all start out in life with a clit and clit or cock it feels good to have either one of those things sucked on. As for the Bonobo they aren’t picky about who sucks their clitoris and for this reason we find a veritable lesbian love fest going on in that tribe, since Bonobo are bisexual apes, and so therefore they don’t care who goes down on them. From this we can deduce that being queer is only illegal for humans under Canon Law, while being a fag or dyke is legal under Natural Law, provided that you are not a human being, at which time you would be ruled over by church laws instead.

It is for reasons such as this that you might not find to many Bonobo apes shacked up in zoos for when you take your kiddies to the zoo you just never know when those Bonobo might suddenly get the urge to get sucked off while the kids are watching, because they perform oral sex frequently and it doesn’t take much for them to get down when the mood for some head hits them. They aren’t shy, since being repressed or in any way inhibited is not part of their nature, and so they just go for it, you see.

This free and easy going lifestyle is only possible because apes are less intelligent than human beings and therefore can never have religion.

All of this makes me wonder if maybe I should ditch a few of my brains, maybe go down market, become all furry and start swinging through trees like a monkey myself if that is what it takes to get a blow job on this planet and be left in peace.