Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Adam goes to Banff

Now I know what people are like and I know the things that they say. You could get down on your hands and knees and crawl over one hundred miles of busted glass until your knees were bloody messes and the palms of your hands were worn right down to the bone, and even then you would never be able to get one bit of pity or sympathy out that ruthless fucking bastard, God. Everyone knows that God is a fucking bastard, and so therefore when I tell people that I am the prophet of YAHWEH, preacher of the Garden of Eden, and that I hooked up with YAHWEH at Banff, they just don’t listen to me because as everyone knows that rotten son of bitch, God, does not answer the prayers of suffering humanity, and instead does such things as letting six million Jews get barbequed to charcoaled ashes by some scum bag like Hitler, among all the other equally dreadful things that bastard, God, has done to humanity throughout time.

Now in response to this criticism I would like to point out to you people that YAHWEH is God and if you are going to worship idols you can pray to some idol and maybe that idol will save you from fucking thing or another. Now if you have had an idol for ages of time, as has been the case with religious people, and if after thousands of years that thing still hasn’t done the stump hop for you, that should be taken as a very strong hint that this idol is utterly worthless and therefore we do need any more evangelism from you. Some people just cannot take a hint, even when it is a very strong hint like that one and even when they are told ‘NO!’ by God and that resounding ‘NO!’ from God echoes through the chambers of history for thousands and thousands of years. We will still find mosques and churches on the planet and we will still find people worshipping dumb blocks of wood, and as a consequence of this practice and of the unbelievable dogmatic stubbornness of religious people, we will find people crawling over busted glass to get that idol to do something, anything, and we will then find people coming to the conclusion that God must be a fucking bastard at the end of it all.

Now I did get an answer from God, but that is because I am not an idol worshipper. I am Adam. Adam gets his prayers answered, you see, for YAHWEH is the God of the Garden of Eden. I am Adam. I don’t wear no fucking fig leaf. If I were to make that mistake, then I would be just as fucked over as religious people have been for thousands of years. YAHWEH really loves Adam and just to make the point plainly clear YAHWEH will not love religious people for one fuck of a long time, but YAHWEH will make a point of loving Adam. This will be one more example of God giving the human race a very strong hint and hopefully, this time, finally at long fucking last, they will take the hint. I feel that their history might be helpful in encouraging them to take the hint this time, because if they need to refresh their memory about what happens to people who don’t take the hint, they can muse over barbequed Jews and every other fucking thing that happened on this planet during the long, long dreadful ages of time when they were stubbornly refusing to take the hint and were being real religious instead.