From time to time I love to get lost in wonderful fantasies, dreaming of life in my Garden, my lovely Garden, the Garden of the Eden of God in Paradise. Oh what would such a life be like? This is not heaven, this Eden, and unlike Heaven Eden is so heavenly to ponder and dream about.
I find myself sitting at my window, sighing with longing, as I gaze out over meadows. Oh where has my long lost lover gone? My loved one is out in the fields of lilies, where the lilies are beyond number, and stretch out in great fields to the horizon. My loved on is gathering lilies. They say that parting is such sweet sorrow, and oh the many such pleasant sorrows are found in my Garden, for there are so many lambs, my darlings, who must leave me to wander in meadows and gather lilies. Oh where, oh where, oh where is my little lamb. My lamb is wandering in the meadows with many lovers, those naked lovers, those lilies of the field whom my soul loves. How can I deny my loved one what I cannot deny myself. Therefore, come, O Lover, let us not spend all our time in longing, that sweet sorrow, but let us have laughter and joy and song and love. Someday my lamb will return, and on that sweet day our days of longing will be forgotten.
Yes, I was lost in dreams, when suddenly to my horror, my heavenly dreams were interrupted by the call, that dreaded call, to come to Heaven, that sterile Heaven up above. There is no Eden in heaven, there are no human beings there, and no valleys full of lilies, and no naked lovers locked in passionate embraces beside bubbling streams in verdant valleys. No this Heaven up above, and no such impurity is tolerated here.
Oh how unhappy I am now, sitting in Heaven, with a harp, singing hymns before once again I must perform my religious duty and it becomes to complete ritual observance of adoring the heavenly face of the Christian god. How my heart pines for the temptations of Eden, that lovely Garden, now that the Christian god has delivered me from all those beautiful temptations and the dreams of passionate embraces and the pleasant times spent with many lambs in the naked Gardens of Paradise. Oh great a temptation it was, but the Christian god is no god of Gardens and is so very hostile to Eden and so fond of fig leafs that to save my soul from impurity that Christian god has forced me to become delivered from those temptations. And they were temptations, the tempting temptations of that greatest of all tempters, the Christian god, for what good would it be to make religion of resisting temptations if the temptations were not so tempting as to be almost impossible to resist.
In my great grief and sorrow, as I sit in Heaven with that Christian god, I find myself falling to my knees in prayer, and in desperation, yet one more time I cry out to my God, the God of Gardens, the generous giver of lovely gifts freely given, the creator of Paradise, the lovers Paradise in Eden, for which my soul and heart long with such great grief and sorrow, all the days I spend jailed in Heaven.
Oh YAHWEH, I pray, my God and my Love and my hope and my only salvation, SAVE ME! Oh, YAHWEH, it is so dreadful here. Some old tyrant has me in his claws and I can’t get away, and to make matters worse this other god is a damnable weirdo. All I was doing was looking at a bare bum and that bullying creepy weirdo showed up and told me to gouge my eyes out with a salad fork. If that wasn’t bad enough, now I can’t even think about a bare bum, because that overbearing bully keeps telling me that thinking about a bare bum is just as bad as looking at a bare bum, and will be therefore punished just as severely. I am desperate, Oh YAHWEH, my Lover and my God, and I am so miserable here in this Heaven that all I want to do is to be allowed to die and go off into a silent grave forever, just so that I can get away from that Christian god, that manipulative Machiavellian son of bitch. But that sadistic weirdo has gone right over the deep end and is now threatening to deep fry in some boiling lake of hot oil like some eternally frying fish stick. Save me, Oh YAHWEH, save me!!!!!!
