Wednesday, September 5, 2007

The Eden Boys

Now before I go any further I thought that I would make clear my position regarding Adam and his gang of Eden boys.

I can speak about Eden boys with knowledge and insight since, you see, I was also an Eden boy. Let me tell you one visit to that boy’s locker room after gym class to romp in the Garden of Eden with that Adam who had ditched the leaf was always more than enough to get this Eden boy down on my knees and sincerely praising God Almighty, and more than once, too. A little further down on this blog I discuss how I was able to pray at Banff National Park, and for the first time in perhaps thousands of years, I was able to bust open the iron gates of the heavenlies and I got an answer from God. Now people keep insisting that I did not, even though I did, and the reason they doubt is that for thousands of years people have attempted to pray their way through those locked and sealed iron gates without success. However they were not Eden boys, and since YAHWEH is the God of the Garden of Eden, this meant that their prayers went unanswered, for if you answer the prays of an idol worshipper you are encouraging idol worship, and for that reason YAHWEH was only willing to answer the prayer of an Eden boy.

Now I was an Eden with no fig leaf, and I loved YAHWEH’s Garden, or at least the little slice of paradise that can be found in a fig leafed civilization such as ours, which happened to be that little Eden in the boy’s locker room after gym class. I knew, somehow I just knew, when I was sincerely saying my devout prayers praising YAHWEH for that beautiful Garden and that Adam whom I adored so very much, that I was YAHWEH’s love child. One of those prayers that I said at Banff could be paraphrased in the following way : “We both know that I am your number one, and I know that you cannot resist holding my in your arms in a passionate embrace, and for that reason I think that you and I should throw off all restraint and just give into our desire and embrace right now, this very evening, here in Banff.” As I said, I knew I was number one, and I was right, because YAHWEH is like a lover and YAHWEH just passionately loved that little Adam so very much, and little Adam knew it, too. All the passion of my prayers in the years prior to my trip to Banff had built up my powers as a prayer warrior and I was able to pray just as passionately at Banff as I had been learning to pray at home in my bedroom every day after we had gym class, and so for that reason I, the little Adam, was able to pray my way into the arms of my beloved while religious people prayed for thousands of years and received only ice cold silence. You see, I knew what I was doing and I knew who I was praying to and what I was praying for. That turns out to make all the difference in the world, and so the fact that religious people have given prayer a bad name turns out to mean sweet fuck all at the end of it all, and I did ask and I did receive, hard as people seem to think such a thing is to believe.

So then my attitude towards Adam and his gang of Eden boys is to leave them to romp in the Garden. They are just Eden boys having fun while they long with passion in their hearts to celebrate the joys of being human during the time they spend under the sun. While I do realize that my attitude of acceptance of romping Eden boys would be considered outrageous by religious sorts who consider fun to be a crime punishable by worse than death, I would remind people that these are the same people who couldn’t get so much as one pray answered for thousands of years, and when you are the people whom God has steadfastly deserted and refused to acknowledge for so very long this makes me wonder where such people get the arrogant insolence to claim to speak for God when it should be crystal clear, after thousands of years, that God does not speak to them and therefore certainly would not be speaking through them.