Saturday, September 8, 2007

Iranian Mullah

One of my jobs as prophet of YAHWEH is to dispatch any messages from YAHWEH that I receive, and according to what I was told a couple of weeks ago Allah may have one country in his hip pocket, the Islamic Republic of Iran, but not for very much longer. If Allah wants to keep up appearances and maintain some kind of decent reputation on this planet for being a god of some sort then Allah better do the stump hop and ditch the fourteen hundred year long slumber and do something real fast, because it will take a god of some kind to save those Islamic Mullahs who have YAHWEH, the God of the Lovers Paradise gunning for them. You see, YAHWEH has this sore spot for fig peddling snakes who destroy the Garden in the Lovers Paradise, for unlike Allah, YAHWEH is the God of Lovers, as you can tell by all those glorious temptations and by the loveliness of the preaching of Gardens in Paradise filled with rejoicing lovers loving their lovers.

Now some time ago I warned our friends the liberals and the leftists that it might be a good idea to keep their busy tongues still and not stick their foot into their mouths when it came to this showdown between ‘American Imperialism’ and those provocative Mullahs in Tehran. However those people have no respect for the office of a Prophet of YAHWEH, and so as I have been sitting on the sidelines watching I have seen them all become afflicted with a terrible case of foot in mouth disease. Apparently they have this one size fits all analysis which can be trotted out for every adventure of ‘American Imperialism’ and so of course we are all being treated to ominous scenarios of mass protest and anger sweeping Iran when those Revolutionary Guards are blown to Kingdom Come and those Mullahs are toppled, because a Mullah without a gun to hold on the people of Iran is a Mullah without so much as a pot to piss in. I mean its not like Allah was some kind of god and thus could serve as a backup to those Revolutionary Guards. No, I think once a little laser surgery is done on Iran those Mullahs will find themselves short one god in one hell of big hurry, since it turns out that all those Iranian Mullahs had was a gun and they had no god, as unfolding events will very soon prove to be the case, which is exactly the point YAHWEH wishes made.

As for our liberals and leftist friends, they will be eating their own foot when, instead of widespread anger and disaster sweeping over Iran, there is massive rejoicing and dancing in the streets. Here we are assuming that ‘American Imperialism’ does not fuck things up by blowing up the people of Iran and ruining their country, which would be the only thing that will save those sour prognosticators, those liberals and leftist types from choking on their own feet. All the standard shop worn clich├ęs are being recklessly trotted out, the bit about how in their great anger the people of Iran will rally around the Mullahs in Tehran in their outrage against ‘American Imperialism’, which is something that will happen when pigs fly, or that while the Iranian people are dancing in the streets in celebration somehow the rest of the Middle East will go up like a bomb in furious anger, which would be very strange indeed. Apparently you can only love a Mullah if you don’t have to live in the same country as a Mullah. I tried to warn those sour and dismal prognosticators, the liberals and leftists, to shut the fuck up and keep those feet out of their mouths, but as I said, for them it is one size fits all, or so it would seem, and now they will be sucking on their own toes for quite some time once their ruined reputations get flushed right down the shitter because they did not listen to the sage advice of a prophet of YAHWEH, but instead showed contempt.