Saturday, September 1, 2007

Abstinent Chastity

Yes, God’s hands must be full, what with all the hard, grueling and I am sure quite exhausting effort that God must pour into such projects as making sure that some pubescent fag does not go to hell along with his own eye balls by memorizing every single detail of Adam’s buck naked body, so he could run back the mental video later and then, to make matters worse, wind up going to hell with rosy palm.

But work God must, because you see my soul is at stake. Now what with God being a God that must mean that God feels up to a challenge, a real challenge as it turns out, but then what would life as a God be without a really big fucking challenge. The bigger the better. Remember this is God we are talking about here, so think big.

Yes, not only does God love a good challenge, but God also loves giving other people a real good challenge to work on as well. God loves the challenging life style, and for this reason God would create dick knobs, and then do some psychological fucking around so that a dick knob would become tempting. I have noticed that the same fucking around was not done with the door knob, which is not a temptation, so I can only assume that this psychological fucking around was done intentionally and with knowledgeable foresight.

All this wiring and plumbing would then have to be wired up to the retinal bits in the eye ball, and then fueled with great rush of adolescent hormones, a real raging rush to as I recall. Then the challenging part comes in, where after fucking around with things for a while, God would then issue the challenge to some pubescent fag to not look, lest I go to hell with my sinful eyeballs. Yes, says God, better that I should pry those eyeballs right out of my head with a salad fork and throw the fucking things into the fire, lest those eyeballs should be thrown right into hell fire while still firmly glued into my head, thus dragging me down into fiery hells right along with those sinful things.

The same general rule would apply to rosy palm, a real whore who was on the road to perdition. It was my religious duty to not give into temptations, and to make sure that they were temptations, God would make them real tempting, because what is a temptation without the tempting part, right. It just logically follows.

Now with those hormones just making that challenge so much greater for me, should I struggle to achieve the great goal of pubescent holiness and live in abstinent chastity, it would seem to me that the safest way for a human being to live would be completely blind and without hands. Someone else could feed you with a spoon, provided that you could find a few people who still had hands, and who had eyeballs to go along with them, so that a spoon full of soup would go into your mouth rather than down your chin or all over your face. Perhaps this nurturing task could be outsourced to such people as nuns, or even church people in general, provided that the holy ghost remade them so well from the inside out that they had that bit about the eyeballs and the hands completely mastered.

I guess we could consider all this to be a form of spiritual jumping jacks, designed to pump up the muscles of our souls, since God does not want any scrawny runts when we finally, at long last, get saved from our sinful fleshly bodies and become purified ghosts up in heaven. Just to show how much we deserve to live up in heaven we should prove it by overcoming a host of really hot temptations down here, while God watches over it all, and finds out just who loves God and who does not, just based upon who can train and work out until finally they become a champion athlete who can do the pole vault over the very highly raised bar.

That must be the general reason for it all, because I know I sure as to hell cannot think of one other possible interpretation of such a fucked up strategy as that one.