Friday, August 31, 2007

The One True Faith

Yes, that religious god is a bastard, this we know, for the Bible tells us so. Fortunately, we have been so blessed that when in the fourth century a collection of bastards were found to be full of the spirit of god, which then explained why they were such bastards, they voted for bastard books, for otherwise we would be fucked and have wrong doctrines. Thank heavens for the diligence of the holy ghost, for if we had wrong dogmatism, then god would be supremely pissed off, perhaps even for thousands of years, leaving us royally fucked over, but fortunately we have right dogmatism, leaving God in a really good mood, as you can tell, since we haven’t been rubbing God the wrong way for centuries because, thank heavens, we have religion to keep us all on the straight and narrow.

Since we have right doctrines, and know therefore that God is a bastard, this would then explain why God is so very, very good to us, and the fountains of blessing have been flowing like an overflowing stream, such results always being the product of really fucking good dogma. Fortunately God has been in a real good mood since the fourth century, for if God was found to be pissed off then we might find that God was being miserable with us and when someone gets that pissed off it is quite likely that they would become less than fully generous. This would be a disaster, for where would we all be without the lovely graces of God? The marvelous generosity of God to the human race since that time, providing them with something called the plan of salvation and books to read, is more than enough evidence that God was in a really fucking good mood throughout history. The evidence of religion speaks for itself.

Yes, if God was pissed off by bad dogmatism then God might become a fucking miserable scrooge, and then we really would be getting fucked over by God, instead of loved on by God like we have been so deeply loved on by God throughout recorded history, provided that we remained pure of heart and didn’t give anyone a criminal orgasm, thus pissing off God and ruining everything.

One thing that always puzzled me about this great and all surpassing ‘Love of God’ is why it is that God’s love has not been great and all surpassing, but rather God’s love has been scrooge like and miserly to the point of being completely absent from the face of the planet. If God was in a real good mood, and thus felt very, very loving, and thus very, very extraordinarily generous, perhaps God could part the Pacific Ocean at least once each century so that our faith would get a much needed boost. This would be the kind and gentle and very, very generous way to do things, and a big improvement over that strategy of salvation where we are forced to guess whether there is a God and then if we guess the wrong answer some ruthless prick barbeques us for wrong dogmatism. The first idea would preferable, assuming that God is feeling generous.

However if God was feeling pretty much like we would expect a bad miserable bastard to feel, then perhaps we would find God doing such things as sweet fuck all, thus tormenting humanity with the dark nights of the soul, and other such fucking things, while ignoring starved babies and leaving six million Jews (God’s favorite and most chosen people, according to their top billing, although you would never know it) to get tossed in their millions onto some barbeque by a scum bag prick like Hitler, and uncountable and so very very many other such fucking, fucking things. None of this has been particularly loving, but rather it looks to me like the deeds of a miserable fucking bastard.

Therefore, if we blame our conclusions upon reality, rather than dogmatism, what this tells is that either God does not exist, the preferential choice for most people whether they admit to themselves or not, or, if God does exist, God is a miserable bastard, and this would then leave us to assume that God is a bastard for no other reason than that God is just by nature a real fucking bastard or perhaps God had a reason for being such a rotten bastard, such as being real pissed off by our wrong dogmatism. We have been warned repeatedly by religion how it is that people who have a wrong dogmatism get fucked over royally by God, and so therefore it seems good to entertain the possibility, since religion is so damned adamant about that position it causes a person to believe that perhaps there might actually be something to the idea.

No, none of this has been particularly loving (it is just as plain as the nose on your face), nor has the wonderful grace of God been particularly generous in its giftings, and this leads me to draw the inevitable conclusion that God has not been particularly loving or in a particularly good mood for thousands of years, but rather that God has been in a real fucking bad mood, yes God has been a real miserable fucking bastard for thousands of years, as the deeds (or lack thereof) of God so clearly demonstrate. No point could be made more clearly and it leaves me to wonder why anyone would perjure themselves by claiming that God was in a real good mood when the damned good fucking over everyone got for so very very fucking long would strongly suggest that the reverse was true.